Dating Advice For The Modern Man

Gentlemen.

Today, this writer, will deviate from her usual pattern of writing advice for the ladies and give you a bit of attention as well.

Smell her hair. Women love puppies and anything that you can do to be more puppy-ish will certainly help you.

Pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the pool…she’ll scream and fight you, but secretly she’ll love it. Tickle her, even if she says stop. This will be great practice for you for later, when you need to ignore her protestations while dragging her back to your cave.

Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand while your drive. Just hold her hand. Remind her that she is your property and should not even think about letting any space grow between you.

Tell her she looks beautiful. Women are superficial and silly after all. Letting her know that you value the only thing she values in herself will make her more and more dependent on you.

Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Assert your dominance. Again, she will be confused by your dog-like behavior and allow herself to be drawn into your web.

When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. And if she threatens to call the cops or scream if you don’t let her go just gently muffle her cries with the closest soft object.

Let her wear your clothes. After all, hers probably were ruined in your initial struggle to gain her affection.

Let her fall asleep in your arms. This way you know that she swallowed the entire dose of GHB and will be docile for the next few hours.

Go slow. Don’t push anything. And when you fall in love with her, tell her.