Style Guide: The New Makeup Look

Do you have extra time on you hands now that you’re not in a constant state of pregnancy? Do you want to look nice on a night out for that special someone (now that you can take him home without fear of lifelong commitment)?

The newest makeup trends for this season are just what you need!

With all of this extra time on your hands you have plenty of time to line your eyes over and over again. Make those eyes stand out from the rest of your face with a solid line of khol that extends at least to your eyebrows

And what does the increasing industrialization of food production mean for you, the lovely, modern lady? Besides a serious increase in such wonderfully dietetic additives such as chalk and whatever they add to Wonder Bread to make it so strangely fluffy and un-bread like….

Without having to work in the fields you can have the pale, flour like complexion previously reserved for the Marie Antoinette. If you do not naturally have the pallor of a dinner plate the look can be achieved by applying copious amounts of powder to your face until the desired shade is achieved.

Finally, if you are jealous of the bright red noses of the new, classy alcoholics frequenting the finest speak easies you can have the same rosy shade for your lips. When painting your lips be sure to keep the target as small as possible. That way your eligible bachelor can prove his keen eyesight by not missing your tiny, cupid’s bow lips at the end of the evening.

This writer is enjoying the current fashions and hopes that they do not alter too greatly in the near future. She greatly fears an increase in false tans or a shift towards clownishly huge lips.

(that is not this writer...)